Rewritten
by Lilo-Lee
Summary: Lit. One-shot. This is my little rewrite of episode 4.21 'Last Weeks Fights, This Weeks Tights', where I try and give Jess and Rory some smallish type semi-balance of peace.


**Disclaimer – **I own nothing. Nada, zip, zilch, the big goose egg…Except this whole fanfic…it's mine…grrr…

**AN – **The summary basically said it all really. I'm rewriting the end of 4.21. I don't actually have any issues with how that episode ended; I just had this idea running through my head at work and decided to give it a shot. Maybe it will break my block for my other chapter fic. Now 6.18 is an episode that I have pa-lenty of issues with and will hopefully rewrite that crap out of later on in my hopefully longish-type fanfic career. And a warning – the POV kind of switches back and forth randomly between Rory and Jess.

**Shout Outs – **Hi Sars! Now have to admit that both her and Fin became part of my inspiration half way through writing this fic. (Twas a fantastic scene sweets, honestly.) My darl Tott, I hope things start working out for you diddums.

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"No. No, no, no, no…"

She couldn't even form a coherent sentence anymore. Her mind was muddled with images of how they used to be, and now how they could be. How easy it would be to leave with him. A part of her wanted it, wanted to give them another chance, they deserved it she thought. She found herself bargaining; she could be with him for a few weeks, and then what? He wasn't asking for weeks, he was asking for real, forever…she couldn't give him that. The rational part of her brain was fighting her, and admittedly winning. She couldn't leave everything for him. She couldn't leave Yale, or her mother or Stars Hollow.

She usually thought of herself as an optimistic person, but right now, in this moment, she knew they couldn't try again this way, it wasn't right. She knew it couldn't work, wouldn't work.

She was aware that it might seem to him like she wasn't giving him a chance. That she wasn't listening to what he was offering her, if only he knew how intently she was. Wondering at the same time what could have possibly caused him to resort to this? The desperation in his voice was enough to make her focus entirely on him.

All she wanted to do was talk to him, tell him these things that were running through her head, instead of the blunt and repetitive 'No' that seemed to be dominating her speech.

"Look don't say no just to make me stop talking or make me go away! Only say no if you really, don't want to be with me."

He knew that what he was asking was beyond her capabilities, he knew her, he knew she wasn't impulsive, he knew that when he came here it would be a long shot, but one he had to try.

He was well aware his motives weren't genuine and that he was just being selfish; expecting her to do anything he asked. Even listening to him almost plead was more than he deserved right now.

He wished he could tell her how he really felt about her instead of this sudden somewhat hidden confession he was giving right now. It was seemingly ironic, he thought; with his boundless experience with the written word, yet when it came to verbalizing and interacting with them, he lacked the skills to do so with finesse. That was more her forte.

He was watching as she paced and crossed and uncrossed her arms, uncomfortable with the situation that he was responsible for putting them in. He knew she was listening to him even if she appeared wound up and annoyed at his presence. Her face showed she was thinking a million things, her mental pro-con list probably over twelve feet long by now. Yet when her answer came, he was still unprepared, as his reaction clearly showed.

"No!"

She would never admit it to him, but she regretted that one word, the minute it left her mouth. She knew that she'd hurt him, and she couldn't help but feel guilty for wanting to make him feel even a portion of what she had felt when he left.

She liked to think she was the kind of person who could let things go, who could forgive and forget but she knew she was still mad at him. For leaving her, for not saying anything, for the broken promises, for not giving her a chance to even try and understand his reasons, for not giving her a chance after he said he loved…

She was still furious at him for thinking she wasn't even worth the time to try. She knew this wasn't entirely true and that other things affected his decisions back then, but that didn't stop her from feeling hurt by all the things that he either did or didn't do.

She watched his face fall and was mesmerized by the painfully defeated look in his eyes. It was like he had just given up.

She stared back at him for what seemed like forever, trying to silently tell him how sorry she was. How she wished that the whole scene could have been different, that they could just do it all over. Then she'd be able to tell him all the things she wanted and they could reach some semi-balance of something resembling normal.

He turned to leave.

Her voice echoed through his head in the silence that followed. He let his face show the hurt he felt for a brief second before a mask of indifference replaced it. It didn't matter anyway; he knew she had seen it. Her habit of paying attention to the tiniest details catching him out yet again. He knew he had been foolish to expect her to be anymore welcoming at his sudden appearance at her dorm. He had tried to prepare himself for her response but the small ounce of hope he had kept was still thrown at her rejection.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go, he had thought it out. He was going to apologize, they were going to talk and they were going to be okay, one way or another they would be okay. At least enough that they wouldn't want to jump rivers just to avoid seeing each other. Now it looked like even giant land masses weren't going to stop them.

The look on her face was repeatedly flashed in front of his eyes as he walked to his car, shoulders hunched over and gaze focused on the ground. Her eyes; always so big and filled with whatever emotion she was feeling. This time they were sad. He knew he was entirely to blame for that lost, hurt look that had adorned her face merely moments ago. He hated himself for being the one who put it there. He hated that he had come, that they had fought, that he had once again just left with out explaining himself, with out apologizing to her like she deserved. It wasn't fair to either of them.

She had watched him leave, her gaze never wavering from his face, and then his back as he turned and left her dorm. She looked around at her boxes, choosing to sit on the nearest one incase her legs decided they were going to give out on her. Her hands ran through her hair in frustration and exhaustion as the toll of finals seemed to hit her along with the lasting effects of their latest confrontation.

She couldn't leave it like this she thought, she couldn't just let him walk away again. She had the option to go after him this time, to stop him from disappearing and leaving yet another mess behind. She knew if she didn't go after him now that she'd regret it, that she'd feel guilty for saying 'no' to him, even though she had no doubt in her mind that he deserved it and that it had been the best thing to do.

Her mind was two seconds behind her body as she stood up and hurried out into the courtyard after him. She caught him just before he went through the main gate.

"Jess…"

She trailed off, realizing she hadn't really thought about what she was going to say to him, but just that she had to stop him before he left.

To say he was surprised when he heard her light footsteps following him would have been an understatement. Her voice caused him to stop suddenly and turn around to face her, in whatever mood he had evidently left her in. He made the effort to keep a mask of apathy on his face, not willing to let her see just how badly her words had affected him. He was slightly taken aback at how close she was standing to him; only a couple of feet away.

She realized that she had half expected him to ignore her and keep walking. When he didn't, that small amount of mental preparation she had done was wiped from her mind. She had no idea what she was going to say, what she wanted to say, it had all left her.

She watched his face as he turned around, looking directly into her eyes with such a look of indifference that her fury at his previous actions came hurtling back to her.

There was a loud echo in the courtyard as she stepped towards him, her hand connecting with his face in a solid slap. He flinched; his hand raised to his left cheek as his gaze returned from the ground to hers with a look of complete shock on his face. He was slightly comforted to see an almost identical look on her face, as both her hands covered her mouth in disbelief at what she had just done. Her feet unknowingly shuffled backwards.

Silence followed after the echo faded in the night air. His hand slowly removed from his check as the sting faded, his face now with a look of slight confusion on it. Then, before he could say anything, her hands dropped and she moved towards him.

He was forced to take a step back at the force from which she attached her lips to his, her hands went around the back of his neck as she held his head in place and continued to kiss him with such a fervor that he had no choice but to return it.

His arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her closer as the kiss intensified. He dimly recalled a similar move when they had shared there first ever kiss, though this time she made no move to pull away or run from him.

Her hands were now running through his hair as his left hand moved up to her cheek to gain some control of the kiss as it began to get out of hand. He caught her bottom lip between his, effectively slowing them down, and finally stopping the fragment of bliss they had just made for themselves, after months of neglect. His forehead rested against hers as they both tried to control their breathing.

Her hands moved down to grip his shoulders, pushing against him ever so slightly, letting him know to let her go. He complied regretfully, instantly missing her closeness.

She slowly stepped away from him, wrapping her arms around herself and stared at the ground. She finally looked up to see a look of quiet confusion on his face, his eyebrows knotted together slightly, causing her to remember how she used to love that look on him.

She willed him to understand with her eyes; this was it for them, this was her way of helping him to fix the last few minutes of tension and conflict, of giving him a way out, whether he take it or push to get something more from her.

She could feel her eyes start to water as she realized this was their goodbye, their end. They didn't get a proper one before and she thought they deserved one, a decent one.

As her first tear fell slowly and silently she looked back down to the ground, willing herself to not turn into a blubbering mess in front of him.

At her tears, his confusion faded. He was glad to know that he could still read her like he used to.

When she finally looked back up to him, he gave her an understanding look with the barest hint of a smile. He stepped forward, giving her another kiss, this one simply a gentle pressure of lips. He pulled away, staring into her eyes that were now clouded with tears. He pressed one final kiss to her forehead, silently thanking her for giving him the chance to make things between them a little better, a little more bearable. He then stepped away from her, making sure to give her one last, almost longing look, as he turned and walked through the gate and to his car parked out on the street.

She heard the familiar engine start and eventually fade away in the distance as she remained standing for the next few minutes, taking in all that had just happened.

She turned and walked back to her dorm. She was thankful that they had finally found some small piece of closure, something good to hold onto in an end that had been all but kind to them.

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End file.
